Rejection Sensory Dysphoria ?

A personal account by K, woman aged 40

Rejection sensitive dysphoria is one of the hardest things to deal with. I remember conversations I had years ago where someone misjudged my meaning in a conversation. I have had so few proper friends in my life and have been so hurt by the ones I had that I now push people away before they push me away because I know they will. I am neurodivergent, and I have been late diagnosed with hypermobility Ehlers-Danlos syndromes (hEDS), ADHD, Autism, dyslexia, depression and obsessive compulsive disorder.

I am so lonely because people don't understand this. The chances I had to have a relationship have been few and far between and because I push people away.

I have never had a relationship and don't have the family and most importantly children I've always wanted. It's very hard to explain to people, and it's even harder to deal with. Every time someone says something to me that I perceive as an insult or rejection or criticism, it physically hurts me.

I am constantly critical of myself and anything I do because I think that that is what others are thinking anyway. It's exhausting. I often rehearse what I'm going to say to people days before a meeting, then when it happens, I end up saying nothing because I haven't found the right way to say something. Even writing this, I have been rewriting and reviewing it because I think it's wrong.

I often struggle now to write at other times as I had 2 negative comments (from people who hadn't actually read what I'd put anyway), but I now as I sit to write, and all I can hear is the negative comments and even more that my brain has made up since going round in my head until it just stops me and I can't carry on.

About a year ago I came across this infographic from SEDSConnective on RSD and I thought that it really fitted me and the issues I have. I do pretty much all the things on the graphic. It is extremely debilitating.

SEDSConnective - We know this might be difficult to read and we hope to add tips to help plus our new talks and webinars with specialists on these topics.